The following post is a draft I found in my Google Drive folder today. It was written back in 2011, but I'm sad to report, it is still 100% relevant this year.
December 11, 2011
I am tired. At this point, my friend Tony would say, “We’re all tired.” Well, I truly am tired – both physically and mentally. I do not sleep much lately. My brain is running in circles, training for a marathon it seems, and it does not allow my body to rest. Melatonin is my friend. That may be going a little far. Melatonin helps me get more rest, but it often leaves me groggy and “hung over” the next morning.
I would like to say I have channeled my sleeplessness into something productive like writing, or even cleaning, but the truth is I am too tired to do even those two things. My house is a mess, my writing goes unfinished and my brain remains fuzzy and dysfunctional during daylight hours. My co-workers would probably diagnosis me with mild depressive disorder or maybe SAD (seasonal affective disorder). I have a happy light on my desk. It does nothing for my happiness. In fact, I would say it makes me less happy, by shining so brightly I see patches of light everywhere I look.
If I were to self-diagnose, I would say I have the holiday doldrums. (That is a fantastic word, doldrums. Say it a few times out loud.)
I have outgrown Christmas. I used to adore Christmas – the lights, the caroling, the baking, the wrapping, the smell of evergreen and the people, but this year (as well as several years prior) I am not feeling it. Sure, I still do a fair amount of baking and enjoy sharing with others. I like the lights, but I don’t go out of my way anymore to drive down the streets where homeowners have taken extra effort to decorate. I miss my family – my brothers and sister and their families and my parents. I miss Christmas with the Humphreys family. It was always so festive and fun. It’s been four years or more since we have had the opportunity to spend the holidays with that side of the family.*
*Note: One difference in 2015- I get to see the Humphreys family for Thanksgiving. Counting down to a fun and family-packed holiday. Maybe that will get me out of the doldrums in time for Christmas.