I Doughn't Do Plain
Disclaimer: In an epic case of procrastination, I spent way too much time putting this post together. This may be a complete waste of your time.
Every hour of every day I think about eating a doughnut. I try to use my limited self-control and only eat one every couple of weeks (maybe two). When it comes to doughnuts, there is a hierarchy, and I prefer a classy doughnut over the trashy plain cake variety. If I'm feeling especially snooty I will splurge on the higher-class cousin of the doughnut-- the pastry.
For those visual learners out there, I've made an illustration to explain the complex doughnut tiers. As is true in life, the bottom of the pyramid is always lined with plain cake doughnuts. (Isn't that how the Egyptians did it?)
Bottom Row 1 (L-R)): Plain cake doughnuts. Row 2: Cake w/frosting and sprinkles, chocolate cake w/ frosting and sprinkles, Old-fashioned, Raised and glazed, Glazed jelly-filled. Row 3: Cinnamon bun, cinnamon and sugar swirl, maple bar, Bismark w/ chocolate frosting. Row 4: Apple fritter, coconut crunch, maple-bacon bar. Vying for the top: French cruller, custard-filled maple bar.
FYI: WAFFLES ARE NOT DOUGHNUTS