I recently updated my resume and uploaded it to a few job search sites. Today I got an email from a recruiter who saw my resume on Indeed and noticed I "have a background that might align with the skill set" they need. The company's name? LiceDoctors

That's right. All my years in higher education with databases and journal article editing make me a good match to pick nits out of other people's hair. This is so depressing, but I am trying to find the humor in it.

The job posting states:

"You need to be a pleasant, articulate, confident individual who enjoys helping people solve a problem. You will work with moms or dads who are stressed. The mother or father will be looking to you as a professional personal assistant to help with this problem. We have a treatment protocol to share with you that we know to be successful, but you may use your own as long as it is safe and effective. Full availability is good, but hoping you, at least, have solid blocks of time and a willingness to prioritize this work in your schedule."

First of all, I am not pleasant. Second, when do I ever have solid blocks of time, especially if it means I have to prioritize lice picking as part of my schedule?

The job qualifications for a Head Lice Removal Technician are:

*Experience removing head lice.  

--CHECK (I have kids and they went to school with other kids, so yes, I have experience with this particular thing.)

*Able to find small nits in the hair.

--MAYBE (I wear bifocals and even then small things can be difficult. If it's smaller than the eye of a needle I'm out.) 

*Have a metal lice comb that you will sell to the client - (will need 1 metal comb per job which you can purchase through our vendor for $8.95 and sell to the client for $20. Client will need the comb to follow up with our treatment program.) 

--POSSIBLE (But I wish I did. I could make some sweet cash. They mark up their combs 45%. You can get a 2-pack with magnifying glass at CVS for only 7.99- you're making $32, plus more if you can make them spring some cash for the magnifying glass.)

*Have olive oil available for the job - which averages about $3.00 per job.

--CHECK (I have olive oil, but it's extra virgin and you don't put the good stuff in hair, especially hair with bugs in it.)

*Have current valid driver's license/proof of auto insurance. 



If anyone else out there is looking for a part-time gig and thinks they can stomach this job, it pays $25 an hour. If you ask me, that's not nearly enough money. 


Side Note: This recruitment to LiceDoctors makes me feel like the people at Indeed are also scouring my GoodReads book list. I just finished a book where the main character gets lice from her kids and uses olive oil on her hair to smother them before getting it all combed out. Is my reading list going to determine the type of jobs I get offered? If so, how do you know what books to read to lead you to your ideal job? My head hurts.