|Leo G. Carroll as Jacob Marley in the 1938 version of Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol"|
Yesterday, I had a visit from the "emaciated Frankenstein" who lives upstairs from my office. Our conversation included a little bit more information than I cared to know. He visited three times, kind of like in "A Christmas Carol." So, in the spirit of the holidays I will tell his side of the conversation (in direct quotes) as though he were the three ghosts who visited Ebenezer Scrooge.
P.S. I am not necessarily saying I am Scrooge, but when it comes to this guy I just want him to stay out of my office. He is depressing.
The ghost of Christmas past:
"I used to be a carpet layer and linoleum and tile and other flooring types. Really, that's what I used to do for a living -- for 20 years. I know it's hard to believe it now. I have lost quite a bit of weight since I got all of my various diseases. I used to be handsome and have hair."
The ghost of Christmas present
"I just spent three days in the hospital. The doctor knows I don't like it so he sent me home early. Being in the hospital makes me really mad. It's hard for me to have a bowel movement when I'm angry."
The ghost of Christmas future
"I have battled cancer and colitis and blah blah blah blah blah*** so I'm sure there is just one more thing for me around the corner. Next year I could be dead, but that is something to worry about after the holidays."
***I tuned out the list of diseases at this point. Plus, I probably couldn't have spelled them anyway.