10. I would rather be doing laundry and cleaning the underside of my stove hood than doing my work.
9. Payroll needs to start taking Metamucil so I get paid more regularly.
8. I have to set an alarm on my phone to remind me to blink.
7. I've begun to keep TWO of my favorite pencils sharpened at all times.
6. I call people I haven't spoken to in years, and don't really like, to avoid doing my work.
5. I'm almost positive the smell I keep getting a whiff of is part of my brain decaying.
4. I talked to the marketing guy from AT&T for 45 minutes the other day and now I think my cell phone carrier might drop me.
3. There is dust on my bookshelf. (The one that actually holds books I want to read.)
2. The people at the bookstore call me the "Crazy Pencil Lady" and it's not bothering me anymore.
And the No. 1 reason I need a new job:
1. I keep getting pop-ups on my computer for gay porn because I fact checked an article on Hillcrest in San Diego. (Don't type Black Beach into Google—you may regret it. Or not.)